so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
