Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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