i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
