Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
