Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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