remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
