If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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