redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
