Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
