I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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