So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
