all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
