"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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