My hand turned me down
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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