I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
