i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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