How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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