Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think people are normalizing furries
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
