I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
