I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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