Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
