i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
