Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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