covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
