Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
