the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
