She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
