We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
