there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
