FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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