READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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