I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
