Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
