P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize