The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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