I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
