The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dear god my vagina.
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