Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
