Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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