Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
