my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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