and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
