i was born a porn star she said
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
