Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
