listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
