Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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