I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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