I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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