They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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