i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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