Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
