To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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