even my farts smell like vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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