I love black thongs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
