Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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