you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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