I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
