I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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