I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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