She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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