there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
