i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
