i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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