I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
