Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
