What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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