called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
