btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
