We won't sleep together?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
worst night to have a conscience
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
