my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
