oh god the rape fog is back!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
