Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
