I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
