i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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