never play flip cup with pint glasses
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
