Im at strip club and am horny
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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